The Thing About Thanksgiving

With the falling costs of groceries, Thanksgiving is on track to be a little cheaper this year. On the other hand, the social costs might be higher than ever before, given the divisiveness of the country after a contentious presidential election cycle. Identity-based politics and ideological incongruences around social issues are creating wedges between families and marriages, which can make dinner table conversations feel more fraught than festive.

According to the Pew Research Center, 91% of Americans celebrate Thanksgiving—nearly three times the viewership of the Super Bowl. But just as the Super Bowl is more than a game, Thanksgiving is more than just a meal; it's a cultural ritual rooted in gratitude and community. This is a time when we come together with “our people.” However, as politics seep into nearly every facet of life—from sports to religion and media—our familial “people” might not feel so much like “our people” in ideological terms these days. This begs the question: In such a polarized society, is there any sanctuary around the dinner table for social civility?

The relationship between identity and shared beliefs is deeply intertwined and mutually reinforcing. Our identity shapes our beliefs, and our beliefs, in turn, reinforce our identity. This relationship is fundamental to how we understand ourselves and our place in the world. The interplay between identity and shared beliefs fosters the covalent bonds that connect us to “our people” and create the foundation on which community is built.

This relationship is the cornerstone of social life and communal membership. When the shared beliefs of community members are no longer shared, it creates distress on the social ties that bind us and causes us to question the identity that once united us. When those beliefs diverge, it disrupts the social ties that unify us, challenging even foundational communities like family. Unlike leaving a church or social group, distancing from family is far more complex. Today, polarized media and algorithm-driven content amplify ideological differences, meaning that family members likely arrive at the dinner table with more than just different opinions but entirely different sets of facts about the world and how it should exist. This makes navigating social decorum a difficult choreography—but not an entirely new dance.

This tension isn’t entirely new—family gatherings have always carried the potential for conflict. The old adage warns against discussing “money, religion, or politics” at the dinner table because these topics expose beliefs that can divide us. What’s different now is the intensity: political and cultural identities have bled into every corner of life; if you’re a Taylor Swift fan, perhaps that says something about your political beliefs. The stakes just feel higher, making it harder to set disagreements aside.

As daunting as this may seem, there is hope. As we gather around the Thanksgiving table, there are ways to navigate the social minefield of our political backdrop while honoring the holiday and still being true to ourselves. And it starts with focusing on common ground.

The history of Thanksgiving tells a story of a gathering of people from vastly different backgrounds finding common ground over a shared meal. Despite our differences, we all share common values and experiences with our family. This is a good starting place for subverting the heightened political climate. In this spirit, let’s focus our conversations around topics that unite us rather than divide us. Discuss family memories and fond stories that remind you why these people are in your life. These topics can help reinforce the bonds that bring you together in the first place. My family all but explicitly decided to refrain from political conversations so as not to spoil the evening.  This is another form of common ground that brings us together.

If all else fails, we can find neutrality in gratitude. It’s hard to be at odds with folks when you’re grateful because the brain activity of gratitude increases dopamine and serotonin releases which reduces stress and minimizes anger. Besides, that’s the point of the holiday—to bring us together in gratitude. Surely, we can find common ground in that.

As humans, we engage in rituals and ceremonies to bring people together and reinforce the bounds that have kept us in community.  As Americans take part in this year’s Thanksgiving ritual, perhaps the true test isn't maintaining perfect harmony at the table but rather finding ways to preserve the connections that bind us despite disagreement. After all, that’s the true test of any relationship—the choosing to come together despite our differences.

Best of luck!